Yep, Daddy can feel her too!

Finally, Josh got to feel his daughter moving tonight-TWICE! We had watched a movie, eaten pizza, and were pretty much zoning out on our couch. Josh was just lamenting how he wanted to feel her move. So post movie, I'm surfing the internet and Josh is playing Tetris on the wii. The laptop starts moving as it is leaning on my belly! I told Josh to stop the game right away and get his hand on my belly! After a little while, he felt her tap his hand. Precious. I'm here Daddy! And little later, her felt her again. Now it's 1:30 in the morning. Josh and I are still not in bed--we're having too much fun being entertainment junkies--and I am still feeling our daughter move. Oh dear. I think I'm raising a night-owl! There she goes again. Rumble Tap Bump Bump. Wow. It is so amazing. It is hard to describe how it feels. It just plain feels amazing. How's that for adjectives? Hey, I went to school for dance, not writing! Is there a way to stop time and savor? Where's the pause button to soak in each moment of this pregnancy? I am so eager to grow bigger, grow into my maternity clothes, as if when that happens it will actually be real. But in the mean time, I am 20 weeks pregnant. This baby has grown half way into an infant, ready to battle the hassles and frets of this world. In the midst of being eager, I wonder, am I missing something? Did I miss a moment of reverie? Of awe? Of thankfulness? Oh Lord, connect me to this miracle, and don't let me forget. I've been so worried today, thinking about childcare, income, cribs, work schedules, day care, preschool, moms groups, co-ops, goodness the list really can go on. What are we getting into? Am I fit to be a mother? Are we prepared to be parents? Then the feeling of anxiety, a rushing urge to figure out a solution, to let it all make sense, to make perfect logic to ease my worried mind. Rumble Tap Bump Bump. I'm here Momma! In the scheme of things, what does all this worry really provide me but a irritated attitude and lack of peace. Our precious daughter is coming, she's here-but not yet. And try as I may to figure it all out, I'm beginning to realize that I can't. And this is just the beginning, right? Parenting, I've heard, is a series of outcomes you cannot control. And I guess the parenting starts by surrendering my body so our child can grow strong and healthy. Next we'll surrender our home, our sleep, our free time, our income. But already we've surrendered our love, being enamored and amazed, falling in love with our daughter. We're becoming a family. At the end of the day, I am reminding myself that giving into the frets and hassles of this world just isn't worth it. Not when there is a child in your womb announcing her presence.